


baby hotline (please hold me close to you)

by copper_nv



Category: Kindergarten (Video Games 2017 2019)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Kinda, Multi, Slice of Life, and they were roomates, chat fic, its MY fic and i can characterize the chatacters however i please, lowercase intended, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:07:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23106709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copper_nv/pseuds/copper_nv
Summary: living is exhausting sometimes, and maybe the power of friendship can't fix that, but it certainly helps.
Relationships: Kidd/Billy/Ron/Alice
Kudos: 25





	1. bro imagine having drama and angst in your fics... couldn't be me

**Author's Note:**

> h*ck: ron  
> unenthusiastic yeehaw: kidd  
> photosynthesis photosynthesis: billy  
> fuck you in major: alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck you in c major: i need you to wear a fresh sheet of skin. preferably worn down, as they won’t suspect you. get a job and blend in as one of them, and gain their trust. kill them one by one.

**[ rat man says: fuck capitalism! - 8:09 A.M ]**

**h*ck:** HEY HEY GUYS

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** who are you

**h*ck:** ??????????

**h*ck:** IT’S ME???? RON??????????? YA BOY???

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** i don’t think i’ve ever seen you up before 12 since junior year in highschool

**h*ck:** OH

**h*ck:** U MUST FEEL BLESSED FROM ME BEING UP SO EARLY RN!!!!!!

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** absolutely no what the fuck? i don’t want to see your profile picture first thing in the morning

**h*ck:** HSEFJKSFHJSFHSDHF UR SO MEAN KIIIIIIDDDDDDD

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** go back to sleep its too early for this rn

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** i didnt take 8 am classes for a reason and its bc i hate wakign up at asscrack of dawn

**fuck you in c major:** good morning to you too, sunshine.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** UR NOT EVEN A MORNING PERSON URSELF LIZ GET OFF MY ASS 

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** god, imagine being a morning person

**h*ck:** couldnt b me!

**fuck you in c major:** is anyone even a morning person in our friend group

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** penny, but y’know. she’s a cyborg

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** nugget hes always energetic and at the same time ive never seen him tired

**h*ck:** technically ozzy bc he never sleeps

**fuck you in c major:** so, no one then.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** yeha basically

**h*ck:** ANEE WAYS

**h*ck:** DO YOU GUYS WANNA MEET UP AT LIEK STARBUCKS OR STHMNG

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** not really, no 

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** yeah i gotta second tht

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** bed is too comfy

**fuck you in c major:** buy me coffee and i’ll come

**h*ck:** FINE ILL JUST BRING THE COFFEE OVER THERE

**[ apartment room 308 - 8:46 A.M ]**

“you know,” kidd mumbles tiredly, rubbing his eyes, “when you said, ‘i’ll just bring the coffee over there’, i assumed you meant order coffee and bring it to our apartment, not buy a whole ass coffee maker.”

“well, in my defense, it was about time we got a coffee maker ever since the last one broke! and i’m tired of being sent to go get your coffee orders.” ron pouts, drinking his caffeinated sweet drink, because he hates the taste of coffee but at the same time needs caffeine to function, and he really hates monster energy drinks.

yes, because it reminds him of kindergarten, don’t come at me. 

“we pay for your gas and we cover you when we go out to eat,” alice accepts the mug of coffee from ron, “it’s a fair trade. also, the staff will miss you if you don’t come back.”

“i’m tired of driving there!”

“you’ll have to pay for your own lunch then,” billy says, hissing in pain when his tea burns his tongue.

“...i’ll buy the coffee beans, then.”

**[ rat man says: destroy the government! - 10:22 P.M ]**

**fuck you in c major:** aren’t you tired of being nice? don’t you want to go apeshit?

**fuck you in c major:** because i can help you with that. 

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** where the fuck did this spur from

**fuck you in c major:** all you have to do in order to unlock the secrets is help me with one favor;

**h*ck:** l-lissy???? whats goin on

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** liz WHAT

**fuck you in c major:** help me overthrow the government.

**h*ck:** holy shit rat man got to her

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** LIZ NO!!!!!!!! DONT TRUST THAT BASTARD

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** okay sure. what should i do

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** NO KIDD DONT FALL TO THE DARK SIDE

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** whatever

**fuck you in c major:** i need you to wear a fresh sheet of skin. preferably worn down, as they won’t suspect you. get a job and blend in as one of them, and gain their trust. kill them one by one.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** “fresh sheet of skin” IM SORRY?

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** k

**h*ck:** are u actually gonna do it

**h*ck:** do it no balls

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** give me a while and we’ll see

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** no u fool…………….. felix simply is trying to convince u to kill off the government so he can become the government and establish higher taxes

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** its all a PLOY dont trust applesoft

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** DONT TRUST THE CAPITALISTS!!!!! DONT TRUST THE BIG COMPANIES HIRE UPS ALL THEY WANT IS UR MONEY 

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** by association, that means ted is not to be trusted

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** i mean……. his cute little face may just be a ploy for us to trust him….. doesn’t help he’s very red

**h*ck:** SHUT UP OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST BECAUSE I CRUSHED ON PEOPLE THAT HAPPENED TO JUST HAVE RED ON THEM DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING

**h*ck:** AND I CRUSHED ON PEOPLE WHO DIDNT EVEN HAVE RED ON EM!!!!!!!!!! 

**h*ck:** I DONT HAVE A RED BIAS

**fuck you in c major:** we didn’t say anything. you’re the one who flew to the finish line.

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** your case is invalid. you’re dating 3 people who have red on them

**h*ck:** OK LISSY CAN JUST CHANGE HER SHOES AND BILLY CAN CHANGE HIS CLOTHES. CINDY WOULD BE HAPPY W THAT ANYWAYS

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** HEY

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** and? what about me?

**h*ck:** ever heard of brightocular

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** i’d rather have my eyes gouged out than to change my my eye color via shoving a contact under a layer of my eye

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY ABOUT THE BIG CORPS!!!!! DONT TRUST THEM

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** ABSOLUTELY DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY

**fuck you in c major:** you, the son of the ceo of monstermon, say, typing on your very expensive phone.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** SHUT UP ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT I WAS BORN TO A BIGWIG

**h*ck:** dont deny man ur dad makes hella cash

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** MY POINT STILL STANDS DONT TRUST THE CORPS!!!!!!!

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** i mean don’t you trust applesoft with your data. imagine the kind of shit you’d be in if they just casually handed out your data.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME THEY HAVENT GAVE IT OUT ALREADY

**fuck you in c major:** i mean, we are friends with felix and teddy. and that’s not to mention we have carla and monty, who are literally those hackers in a movie. 

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT FELIX AND TEDDY AND CARLA AND MONTY ARENT FAKING IT??? FAKING BEING FRIENDS WITH US

**fuck you in c major:** we’ve been friends since kindergarten. i figured if they didn’t like us they wouldn’t stick with us. and i’m pretty sure we don’t really have anything that’s of use, since we are all broke and tired college students whose majors will probably will prevent them from higher paying jobs.

**h*ck:** TOO REAL 

**fuck you in c major:** well, i guess billy isn’t broke.

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** bold of you to assume i’ll get a job. i’ll just become homeless and beg people for money

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** dam liz……………………….

**fuck you in c major:** even if you did become homeless, teddy will probably buy you a house or something.

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** and then felix will take it back and evict you 

**h*ck:** too real……

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** he’s very protective of teddy. one time i accidentally bumped into ted and felix yelled at me for a solid 15 minutes

**h*ck:** I REMEMBER THAT LOL

**h*ck:** DIDNT YOU CRY

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** absolutely fucking not. you’re confusing me for jerome.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** OHHHHH I REMEMBER THAT…. BRUH JEROME WAS STRAIGHT UP WAILING

**fuck you in c major:** i think most people would cry if felix yelled at him. he’s very intimidating.

**h*ck:** god imagine if felix was still an asshole hed be a terror

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** you say it like hes not

**h*ck:** kindergarten felix i mean

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** GOOD POINT

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** how the hell do you guys still remember kindergarten. i literally cannot remember a single thing from it. i only know tales from friends and family

**h*ck:** to b fair you have horrible memory

**h*ck:** its like ur a 50 yr old man in a 20 yr old body

kidd exhales from his nose, lips quirking upwards in a faint smile. what a dumbass.

the loops never stopped- only getting more infrequent as he’s gotten more used to the usual time shenanigans. perhaps the universe finally spared mercy on him, or is tormenting some other poor sod. 

his memories have deteriorated over the years, the time loops bringing his stress to an all time high. at the age of fourteen he was already greying, at the age of seventeen kidd couldn’t recall the majority of his childhood.

**[ alice → kidd - 10:46 P.M ]**

**alice:** are you okay?

**alice:** ron can be quite…

**alice:** you know. 

**kidd:** yeah yeah i get what you mean 

**kidd:** i’m kind of desensitized to it at this point, honestly

**kidd:** when the universe keeps dealing you bad hands you kinda have to grow a thicker skin

**alice:** that’s certainly a way to describe it.

**kidd:** it’s not like ron did it on purpose anyways

**kidd:** he doesn’t know about the loops

**alice:** true.

**alice:** but i worry for you sometimes. 

**kidd:** oh

**kidd:** i mean, if i got hurt by everything that’s an inadvertent jab at me i’d probably be fucked in the ass

**kidd:** can’t really afford to be emotionally vulnerable because you see a lot of fucked up shit

**kidd:** and if i were, i’d be pretty different. a lot more traumatized 

**kidd:** but at the same time i have some regrets about it

**kidd:** everything kinda feels numb at this point

**kidd:** i smile and laugh but like?

**kidd:** i don’t feel it. i don’t feel happiness or joy

**kidd:** you know that giddy warm feeling in your chest?

**kidd:** i can’t feel it anymore

**kidd:** sorry i’m rambling

**alice:** i don’t mind, truly.

**alice:** i prefer you open up to me instead of bottling it all in.

**kidd:** don’t worry about me 

**kidd:** i’m okay

**kidd:** it’s just

**kidd:** loops and all that

**kidd:** not that i can tell you a good chunk of them.

**alice:** alright, whatever you say.

**alice:** i’m always here for you, though.

**[ rat man says: destroy the goverment! - 11:03 P.M ]**

**h*ck:** DID I KILL THE CHAT

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** .

**fuck you in c major:** .

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** .

**h*ck:** PLEASE


	2. ron and alice ruin everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kidd blanches, and suddenly has the urge to run away into the woods, never to be seen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no ragrets

**[ rat man says: let your inner flesh run free! - 2:35 A.M ]**

**h*ck:** heyyyyy anyone awake

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** shut the fuck up i’m trying to sleep

**h*ck:** DAMN OKAY

**h*ck:** YOURE THE ONE THAT DECIDED TO RESPOND

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** i heard my phone ping just when i was about to fall asleep. give me a break.

**h*ck:** cant sleep

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** when can you ever

**h*ck:** ADJALDKSKHDDJF????? TOO REAL???

**h*ck:** i HATE insomnia it should die

**h*ck:** fucking rot

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** stop opening the fridge there’s nothing there to eat

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** we’ve literally been getting takeout for the past two weeks

**h*ck:** my mom would be horrified smh

**h*ck:** u guys should rlly feed me better

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** i give you the marshmallows in my lucky charms what else do you want from me

**h*ck:** DAMN U RIGHT

**h*ck:** sorry for bothering u sir

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** that’s right.

**h*ck:** im hungry isnt there anything to eat

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** no. try drinking water or something

**h*ck:** I DONT WANT TO GET UP EVERY 30 MINUTES 

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** it’s good for your skin

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** you know the bumps on your arms? they’ll go away

**h*ck:** THATS WHAT MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** because she’s right dumbass

**h*ck:** not to be gay or anything but wanna go out on a walk

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** we’re literally dating what the fuck are you on about

**[ cahuilla park - 2:42 A.M ]**

“...why the fuck did you want to go out for a walk, it’s so fucking cold, you asshole-”

“i know, i know!! i make bad decisions!” ron buries himself in his parka, teeth chattering from the cold. “i just wanted to get out! sue me, okay?”

silence.

thank god kidd wasn’t much of a talker, because god knows ron really needs some peace and quiet. peace and quiet with someone next to him, not the usual lonely hours of the night. he likes silence, but he also hates being alone. he adores billy and alice, but they can be too chatty sometimes. 

but silence never lasts long. 

“...haha, what if we… held hands and snuggled…. just kidding…” he pauses, “unless…?”

“you can just tell me without spewing your usual bullshit, you know,” kidd grumbles, and ron spends a moment trying to figure out if his boyfriend’s cheeks are flushed because of the cold or embarrassment.

“so can we hold hands and snuggle?” 

“yes, dumbass.”

ron squeals like a twelve-year old girl, excitedly interlocking hands with him.

“shut the hell up!” kidd barks. ron bursts in a fit of laughter, swinging their arms back and forth. 

“kya!!!! kidd-sama, my heart goes doki doki-” kidd lets go of ron’s hand breaks out into a sprint.

“-no wait come back!!! i’m not done confessing my love for you, senpai!”

**[ rat man says: true gamers are too busy gaming to date! - 10:04 A.M ]**

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** i think its kind of weird

**fuck you in c major:** yes, me too.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** LET ME FINISH PLEASE

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** i think its kind of weirgty

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** weirdagd

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** weddra

**fuck you in c major:** you can do it, billy!

**fuck you in c major:** i believe in you!

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** SHUT

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** i think its kind of weird how we barely hang out together after the morning

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** like, after ron wakes up and eats breakfast we all just go our separate ways

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** all 4 of us

**fuck you in c major:** our schedules don’t really align too much. 

**fuck you in c major:** i’d love to have a day off, but that doesn’t appear to be happening anytime soon.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** FUCK YOUR BOSS I’LL KILL HER

**fuck you in c major:** don’t do that. 

**fuck you in c major:** you aren’t nearly equipped to get away with murder.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** damn u right

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** then…. will u help me

**fuck you in c major:** of course.

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** NO YOU’RE NOT.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** aw fuck fun police is here

**fuck you in c major:** SCATTER

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN FUN POLICE YOU’RE PLOTTING MURDER

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** WAIT I JUST HAD AN AMAZING IDEA

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** oh no

**fuck you in c major:** oh dear.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** QUIET

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** LIZ CALL IN SICK

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** AND WE CAN GO OUT TO A FANCY DINNER

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** AND SOMEONE FAKE PROPOSES TO SOMEONE ELSE SO WE CAN HAVE A FREE MEAL

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** oh no

**fuck you in c major:** oh dear.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** SHUT UP I HAVE GOOD IDEAS

**[ unenthusiastic yeehaw changed the chat name to “rat man says: don’t listen to billy!” - 10:12 A.M ]**

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** that’s kind of unoriginal.

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** ron and i already did it first

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** YOU WHAT

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** I NEVER KNEW ABOUT THIS?

**fuck you in c major:** i never heard about it either.

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** didn’t tell you because i assumed ron would

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** makes sense why you didn’t torment me about it, actually

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** he made me propose to him for free dessert

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** WHAT IF I PROPOSED TO YOU OR RON AT THE SAME RESTAURANT 

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** i think that’s a horrible idea. but i think ron would be down

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** make sure to record it, if you ever do

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** WOW I SEE U

**fuck you in c major:** for what’s it’s worth, i am also down for that plan. do you even have a ring, however?

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** nope

**fuck you in c major:** i’ll let you borrow mine, then.

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** LIZ……

**fuck you in c major:** i know, i know. i’m amazing

**photosynthesis photosynthesis:** YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!

**unenthusiastic yeehaw:** oh, this can only go poorly

**[ random posh restaurant - 7:31 P.M ]**

kidd is wrong.

it goes horribly. 

it starts like this-

billy and alice take a bus down to some posh restaurant downtown. 

“when we actually get married, i expect you to rent a limousine,” alice muses.

“hey! this is environmentally friendly!” billy protests.

kidd and ron follow them, of course, because they want to see their partners embarrass themselves. well, more like wanting to see billy embarrass himself. alice doesn’t really get flustered.

they all arrive at the restaurant. billy and alice sit down, and kidd and ron sit at a different table nearby.

alice notices them. ron waves at her.

kidd sighs.

billy doesn’t seem to notice that the other two are there, fortunately. or unfortunately.

the night goes on fairly normally. ron makes some crude and exaggerated gestures at alice and she seems to be amused at this. kidd doesn’t know what the hell they’re on about, but he certainly is very irritated.

it’s not like he was jealous or anything. it was just ron and alice had a penchant for getting into a massive amount of trouble. 

finally, it’s time.

“alice… ever since i first met you… i knew you were the one for me,” billy says, loud enough for attention to garner, “it was love at first sight- i’m… i’m not really a man for words, so would you please marry me?”

he gets down on one knee, and the entire restaurant, including staff, is looking at them.

“YOU!!” ron shrieks, banging his fists on the table. kidd blanches, and suddenly has the urge to run away into the woods, never to be seen again. “YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME, YOU BASTARD.”

kidd weighs the pros and cons of stabbing himself with the steak knife.

billy stares at ron with an equally horrified and confused look. he blinks twice, and notices kidd, and the gears finally start working in his rusted head.

“r-ron? kidd?”

“LISSY!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE ENGAGED TO KIDD?? HOW COULD YOU!!” ron yells very shrilly. everyone’s head swivels around to look at kidd.

he picks up the steak knife. 

“i… it’s not what it looks like!” alice exclaims, not helping a tiny fucking bit.

ron continues yelling at the duo, while kidd apologizes to the staff for the shit fest.

“it’s no problem, sir. i mean… not to be rude, but i don’t believe you’re the one to be apologizing. you’re the one who’s being cheated on, after all,” a waitress says.

“uh,” kidd dumbly says.


End file.
